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and bring a little more lightness.
This will seem like ages ago when you read this but as I sit and write this message the moon is passing in front of the sun casting a filtered light over the earth.
The eclipse is happening.
I’m not knowledgeable about astrology but I am astrology curious. (Why am I the way I am??)
And recently, I have been living a season of turmoil and disorientation.
Can I blame this damn eclipse?
Will this season of upset and anxiety pass just like the moon will eventually pass from its place in front of the sun?
As I’ve casted about for reasons for my tumultuous experience these past weeks, what I’ve noticed is that I feel untethered and anxious when my compass is set in the direction of “Do others like me?”
Whether it's family members or leaders who come on retreat or the person who checked me out at Starbucks, trying to get my feet under me when I am wholeheartedly locked into caring about the opinions of others and, frankly, caring about my opinion of them, it leaves me cursing the moon and sun.
I’ve noticed another thing too. Working with my coach, it became clear that when I’m trying to please and manage others in hopes that they will like or approve of me, I become someone I DON’T LIKE.
Fearful. Distracted. Obsessive. Anxious. Unable to create.
UGH.
So I’ve been reorienting myself around a new question:
Do I like me?
It got me thinking about the turmoil I often see in schools and hear leaders speak to as they share their experiences of trying to manage the opinions and preferences of others.
It all becomes so noisy and overwhelming.
So let’s play with these questions:
Do you like yourself?
Do you like yourself in leadership?
What would life look like if you like yourself?
What would it look like to lead from a place of “I like me”?
Somewhere along the way, we might have learned that neglecting our opinion of ourselves in favor of others opinions about us was noble, wise, or good.
We might have gotten the message that liking ourselves wasn’t enough or even important.
But, man, I think it’s a big deal.
It’s becoming a really big deal for me.
Now, if we’ve been overriding our instincts that would have us liking ourselves, it might take some time to shift and come back home. No problem. It’s taking me time and I’ve changed my goals for the year so that I’ve given myself all of 2024 for this work.
So here’s a practice to try as you come back to liking yourself and liking yourself in leadership.
At the end of each day, reflect:
Did the day settle well in my heart?
What did I most like about myself today?
Were there parts of today that felt off track from core values? Do I need to repair?
Would I be excited to live another day like today? If not, what needs to change?
Let’s try being leaders we like, being people we like. And let’s see what happens.
Maybe then this post-eclipse season will be one of peace and clarity.
I know I’d like that.
Your coach in life and leadership,
Maggie
PS- I've got a secret for you. I’m taking a small group of leaders on retreat this summer into the Colorado Rockies. It’s going to be an immersive experience of reflection, community, and reinvention around our leadership wellness. I’m not sharing this opportunity with anyone else until the end of the month but if you KNOW you need some time to rest, reflect and be well, then email me now and I’ll save a very special spot for you at the best price.