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How a break up made me a better leader....and what this could mean for your leader practice.

I once dated a boy that I thought was really great but he didn’t want to marry me.


At the time, which is now about twelve years ago, I was devastated.


During the on-again-off-again period of the breakup I sought out a therapist.


I remember making tearful, desperate calls from my living room, just trying to find the first available appointment with someone I hoped could help me.


I ended up spending the next ten years working with a therapist who was also trained as a coach.  It was such good luck that she had that appointment available that first day.


Starting my own journey of personal growth and self inquiry has yielded the greatest blessings of my life.

  • A marriage I am so grateful for

  • My children

  • The courage and vision to strike out on my own in work


These transformations included my leadership.

  • I began to question the approach to instructional coaching and developed a willingness to bring my own thoughts and tools to the practice

  • Where I saw gaps, I gained the confidence to try out new ideas to meet the need

  • I clarified and then stood for my values as a leader which turned down the noise of conflicting messages that existed within the system

  • I had tools and support in place when life crisis hit - my dad was sick and dying - and I was a first year assistant principal


I’ve been teased about when I’ll finally “graduate” from therapy or coaching and I struggle to conceive of why I’d ever deny myself that space and support so I laugh along and happily reply, “probably never.”


That said, I know that many of us have felt ashamed or criticized or belittled either by ourselves or someone else when the idea of personal development work comes up.  We’re also busy and overscheduled and trying really hard to do our best.


I really can’t say, all these years later, if I would have found the richness and depth of personal development work had it not been for that boyfriend.  But I’m grateful that my pain worked that way.  Sometimes it ends up pointing us in an important direction.


I went to a coach's office to talk about a broken heart and stayed to talk about who and how I want to be as I continue to grow and change.


So to you, the person who cares about kids and teachers and who is trying really hard to do good work, this is your reminder that you deserve support and space.


  • Anxiety

  • Sleepless nights

  • Feeling alone or weighted down by concerns

  • Feeling like you are “wrong” or not good enough


This doesn’t have to be the way it goes down in leadership.


I coach educators and the truth is, I genuinely love and root for every person I end up working with.  



We go deep, we ask questions, we learn about our patterns, we problem solve organizational issues, we look at schedules and then we go back to talking about values and vision and clarity.  


If any of that speaks to you, I think it’s time we meet and enjoy a virtual coffee chat together.  


We’ll talk about how you’re feeling and how to support you now.


I can’t wait to meet you.


Maggie


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